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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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But then, I hear this commotion. A bunch of people are gathered around, and I’m like, “What now?” Turns out, there’s a dog show happening! I’m not even a dog person, but these pups are adorable. One little guy runs straight into the crowd, and chaos ensues. People are laughing, dogs are barking, and I’m just standing there, grinning like an idiot.

Rod M. Smith